Getting over dating a pathological liar
He is not delusional, but he hovers in that half-world of the narcissist (oh, there's that tie-in), where the lies are believed until he gets caught, but then-- and this is the move that only a few can pull off-- he acknowledges that the "facts" are lies, but not the essence, the spirit. If aliens actually did come and attack us, he knows he would actually be able to fly a spaceship.Here's an example: an article entitled, "Prefrontal white matter in pathological liars" found massively (20% ) increased prefrontal white matter, and a 40% decrease grey/white matter ratio in pathological liars, as compared to both controls and antisocials. The popular stereotype of a pathological liar-- a chronic liar, deceiver, who lies to get out of things, or into things; who tries to con you into something, or control you; who cheats on you and then denies it, makes up stories about where he was-- all this is wrong. He's a tool, but he's not psychiatric."Pathological lying" is often interchanged with "pseudologia fantastica." (NB: many psychiatrists use pseudologia fantastica interchangably with confabulation-- this is also wrong, as will be described below.) Pathological lying was originally defined as complex lies which are internally consistent, that may drag on for years and-- and this is the key point-- do not have an obvious purpose or gain. Once told, they generally stick (for years)-- but it's fair to say the pathological liar doesn't know what he's going to say until he says it. "Ok, look, I'm not really in the CIA." But in his mind, he knows that if conditions were right-- if something big went down-- he could be exactly like a CIA agent, and that's close enough. Pathological lying is not "confabulation." In both cases, lies are told spontaneously and freely, without clear intent, purpose, or gain-- except that in confabulation, the reason the person lies is to fill in the deficits in his memory; he can't remember what actually happened.And later you learn he was really at a movie with his girlfriend and you think, why the hell did this freak make all that up? A pathological liar is like a 4 year old kid, who tells you what happened to him down by the lake. The important question here is this: does the pathological liar know he is lying? 8 puppies get eaten by Chamberlain and de Gaulle-- hand to God I saw it"), and especially with alcoholic dementia/hallucinosis ("I don't know what happened to me-- six guys jumped me... There aren't any, because this isn't a disease, it's a description."Con artists and other psychopaths spend a lot of time talking about themselves in a self-aggrandizing fashion — bragging about their larger-than-life accomplishments and grand schemes, which are often completely fabricated," Turvey notes.So you think you might be dating a pathological liar? They're not trying to con you into or out of anything. He is a bullshit artist who makes it up as he goes along, and who then semi-believes his own crap. You ask him what he did last Saturday and he tells you he went to the museum; and maybe he says at the museum he saw a guy try to rob the gift shop, but he got caught by two off duty cops wearing blue hats. If he saw a suicide bomber, he'd be able to movie- kung fu him, grab the Sig Sauer and squeeze off a few rounds. Hence confabulation is associated with dementia ("when I was 18 I went to Paris with my unit and I saw... Canadian guys, I think they were Satanists, no, wait, Stalinists, yeah, that's right, and they could read my mind...")What about biological correlates?He will again turn on the flattery he demonstrated when he first captured your heart and you will once again fall for him, only to become a victim again.
The lies hold the clues to that identity, but they may not be obvious.Right now, he's riding a ,000 motorcycle he bought with my money. But slow down and take a lot of time before granting your complete trust to a potential partner. He's out there running around laughing at my naivete. A: "We operate under a truth bias, whereby we generally assume that someone is honest," says Sally Caldwell, a sociologist at Southwest Texas State University and author of "Romantic Deception: The Six Signs He's Lying." "We're also taught to be polite, so we're afraid to challenge someone's words for fear of appearing rude. I cannot even afford a lawyer to get a divorce and move on with my life. I want to get him out of my mind, but I just can't get over what has happened. And how can I detect a con artist in the future and prevent this from happening again?Romantic liars try to speed the pace of a relationship so that it becomes intense very quickly." "People who con others are generally psychopaths," says Brent Turvey, forensic scientist and criminal profiler at the Academy of Behavioral Profiling in Sitka, Alaska, and author of the just released second edition of "Criminal Profiling: An Introduction to Behavioral Evidence Analysis." Contrary to popular belief, criminality and psychopathy don't always go hand-in-hand, although they certainly often do.